Copywriting Makeover: The Value of Being Crystal Clear:
Part 2 of 2
by Karon Thackston
Published on this site: March 11th, 2006 - See
more articles from this month
In Part 1 of this series
http://www.marketingwords.com/article/copywriting_makeover_
providerwatch.html you were introduced to Provider Watch,
a company whose site copy was a bit confusing. (You can see
the original copy here:http://www.copywritingcourse.com/providerwatch-original.pdf.
While they had a wonderful understanding of their target audience
and they had absolutely made an emotional connection, the
copy lacked a push toward action on the visitor's part. It
also needed a boost in the search engine rankings. After outlining the problems, I set about rewriting the home page.
The Rewrite
The original headline read:
"Warning! Deadbeat daycare parents don't want you to
know about this website!" "The Provider Watch "No
Regrets" Risk Management System contains over $615,654
in unpaid daycare debt, and that number grows daily!"
"There are a growing number of parents who simply steal
childcare services by refusing to pay."
I wanted to make that much more clear and also plainly deliver
a major benefit to daycare providers so I changed the headline
to:
Find Out if Parents are Bad Payment Risks Before You Accept
Them as Customers
That spoke loudly to providers who had been burned one time
too many. It let them know immediately that this was a site
that offered help in the way of prevention.
When looking over the body content, there were two things
Provider Watch included in the original copy that I wanted
to keep. These were the testimonials and some pretty terrific
factoids pulled from a survey they conducted. The testimonials
would, obviously, add credibility and trust. The factoids
would verify that there was a need for this service and, hopefully,
add some shock value with a splash of "Oh my gosh!"
To accomplish this, the testimonials were left in their original
position - rotating via a Java app in the upper right-hand
corner of the banner graphic. The factoids, however, were
extracted from within the body text and given their own position in a newly created sidebar on the right side of the page.
This would help them stand out and be noticed.
The next challenge was to outline what services are provided,
then clearly point out benefits of these services to the site
visitor. At the same time, I was keeping an eye open for opportunities
to include keyphrases within the natural flow of
the copy.
After outlining what was available from Provider Watch in
the body content, I took it one step further by constructing
a bullet list of what was included in both the free membership
andthe paid membership. I also gave them a method for getting
more information and for signing up for whichever membership
level met their needs.
Overall, the home page was made to be much more simple, clear
and concise with an unmistakable path that the site visitor
could follow from introduction to purchase. You can view the
newcopy here: http://www.copywritingcourse.com/providerwatch-after.pdf
The Results
So what happened? Did it work? Did it ever! Provider Watch
has seen a:
- 52% increase in unique visitors to the site
- 22% increase in overall sign-ups
- 86% increase in paid subscribers
- Steady increase in phone traffic
Provider Watch had this to say about the copy changes: "
I can't say I was skeptical, but I was nervous about hiring
a copywriter for the first time. I was hopeful, but also wasn't
expecting any miracles. The results have far exceeded my expectations.
To see these kinds of improvements in such a short amount
of time is very exciting."Another mystery solved!
Copy not getting results? Learn to write SEO copy that impresses
the engines and your visitors at http://www.copywritingcourse.com.
Be sure to also check out Karon's latest e-report "How
To Increase Keyword Saturation (Without Destroying the Flow
of Your Copy)" at http://www.copywritingcourse.com/keyword
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